It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
