i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize