the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
