i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
