I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
