he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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