So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
