just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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