Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
