Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
