i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
