Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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