Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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