you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
