She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
