is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
this is an emotional support booty call
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
