So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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