I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
