Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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