let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
