yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
