You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
sex in a hospital.. check
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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