shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
