Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
