I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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