I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think your dad took our porno
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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