So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
