shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
