Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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