names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize