You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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