theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
