I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
