The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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