Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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