There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
