It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
