There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
