so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
