If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There r osticjed everywhere
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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