I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
