if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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