My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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