he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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