Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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