Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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