people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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