I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
