She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
