if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
