My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
