is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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