the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
