We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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