he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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