I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
