New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
