I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
