I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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