Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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