I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
