You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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