And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
