I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize