y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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