The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
