i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
