so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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