You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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