it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
