the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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