I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize