remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
