I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
