some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
