Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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